Assertive Feedback Techniques ft. Gurleen Baruah

Let’s be real—giving feedback as a manager isn’t always easy. Say too little, and nothing changes. Say too much, and it might come off as harsh. So how do you strike the right balance?

In this episode of RiseUp Radio, we sit down with Gurleen Baruah to talk about assertiveness as a manger, using it in feedback—what it actually means, why it matters, and how to get better at it. We’ll break down the difference between assertive feedback, aggressive, passive, and passive-aggressive communication, using a simple framework that makes it all click.

But this isn’t just theory—we’re bringing in real-world role-playing to show what good (and bad) feedback looks like in action. Plus, we’ll introduce the softened startup strategy, a simple way to start feedback conversations without making things weird.

And because great leaders don’t just give feedback—they ask for it too—we’ll dive into why managers should actively seek input from their teams to create a culture of open communication.

If you’ve ever struggled with giving assertive feedback without overthinking it, this one’s for you. Let’s get into it!

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Meet the Speaker

Assertive Communication Techniques for Giving Great Feedback

Assertive feedback is all about respecting both your own opinions and those of others—it’s a balanced approach where everyone feels heard and valued. Instead of overpowering or holding back, assertiveness helps create a space for mutual respect, open conversations, and problem-solving.

The Four Communication Styles (and Why They Matter)

Not all communication styles are created equal. Understanding them can help you recognize patterns in your own interactions and adjust for better results:

• Aggressive Communication – This is all about “me first” thinking. It prioritizes one’s own needs while disregarding others, often coming across as blame-heavy and confrontational. While it may get immediate results, it damages relationships and discourages collaboration.
• Passive Communication – The opposite of aggression, this style prioritizes others’ needs at the expense of one’s own. It often leads to unspoken resentment and problems being swept under the rug instead of addressed. Signs include avoiding conflict, struggling to express opinions, and failing to make eye contact.
• Passive-Aggressive Communication – This is when frustration is expressed indirectly—through sarcasm, backhanded comments, or complaining to others instead of addressing the issue head-on. It’s often seen as the most harmful style because it creates confusion and unresolved tension.
• Assertive Communication – The sweet spot. Assertive feedback means clearly expressing your thoughts and needs while also respecting others’ perspectives. It creates an environment where feedback is constructive, discussions are open, and solutions are found together.

Further reading: Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness: How to be an effective leader?

How Can You Start Feedback Conversations the Right Way?

One of the best ways to give feedback without making things awkward? The softened startup strategy of assertive feedback which Gurleen shared in the podcast. Instead of blaming or accusing, this approach focuses on expressing how you feel and what you need—using “I” statements instead of “you” accusations.

For example:
❌ “You always make me wait.”
✅ “I feel anxious when I have to wait. I need you to be on time.”

This small shift reduces defensiveness and makes conversations more productive.

Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

Your communication style isn’t just about what you say—it’s also about how you say it.

• Aggressive body language: Intense eye contact, forceful gestures, and a tense posture.
• Passive body language: Avoiding eye contact, slouching, and hesitant gestures.
• Assertive body language: Open posture, steady eye contact, and a calm but confident tone.

Being aware of these signals (both yours and others’) can help you adjust your approach in real time.

Why Managers Should Actively Seek Feedback?

Great leaders don’t just give feedback—they invite it, too. Encouraging team members to share their thoughts builds trust, strengthens relationships, and fosters a culture of continuous improvement.

• Make feedback safe – Create an environment where employees feel comfortable speaking up without fear of repercussions.
• Use anonymous feedback tools – Sometimes, people feel more comfortable sharing insights when they’re not tied to their name.
• Don’t wait for performance reviews – Real-time feedback is far more effective than waiting for annual check-ins. Addressing concerns as they arise leads to faster improvements and better outcomes.

At the end of the day, assertive communication is a skill—and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Whether you’re giving feedback or receiving it, small shifts in how you communicate can lead to better conversations, stronger relationships, and more effective leadership.

Assertive Feedback and Communication Roleplay

Ever been in a situation where you needed crucial information from a coworker, but they weren’t delivering on time? The way you communicate in these moments can make or break collaboration.

To illustrate this, let’s look at four different communication styles in action—Aggressive, Passive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive—through real-world roleplays.

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Aggressive Communication – The Blame Game

Scenario: Ashish is waiting for crucial data from Gurleen to complete a project, and the deadline is fast approaching. Instead of handling the situation calmly, things escalate quickly.

💬 Ashish (Aggressive):
“Gurleen, I’ve been waiting for that information forever! It’s way overdue. Can you send it ASAP? My work is stuck because of you!”

💬 Gurleen (Aggressive):
“Well, I don’t have all the data either! The other team hasn’t sent it to me yet—what do you expect me to do?”

💬 Ashish (Aggressive):
“That’s not my problem! You need to figure it out. I can’t do my job without it!”

💬 Gurleen (Aggressive):
“You always do this! Last quarter, same thing—last-minute panic and then blaming me! I’m fed up. I think I need to talk to my manager about changing contacts.”

💬 Ashish (Aggressive):
“Yeah, maybe that’s best. I’m done dealing with this!”

Takeaway: Aggressive communication creates unnecessary tension, blame, and frustration. Both parties leave feeling unheard and defensive, and the real issue remains unresolved.

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Passive Communication – The Avoider

Scenario: Gurleen is supposed to deliver data to Ashish but hasn’t completed it yet. Instead of addressing the delay confidently, she takes a passive approach.

💬 Gurleen (Passive):
“Hey, I know you were expecting the data, but it’s not ready yet. I think I’ll need a couple more days… hope that’s okay with you?”

💬 Ashish (Passive):
“Oh… uh… okay. I guess I’ll check back tomorrow. Thanks…?”

Takeaway: Passive communication avoids direct confrontation, but at the cost of clarity and accountability. While there’s no conflict, there’s also no resolution—Ashish is left unsure, and Gurleen hasn’t fully owned the delay.

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Passive-Aggressive Communication – The Side-Eye Approach

Scenario: Ashish is waiting for overdue data from Gurleen, and she is once again delayed. Instead of addressing it directly, she responds with sarcasm and indirect jabs.

💬 Gurleen (Passive-Aggressive):
“Ashish, hope the data is ready… you do remember it was due two months ago, right?”

💬 Ashish (Passive-Aggressive):
“Ugh, yeah, I know. So much on my plate right now. I really want to get to it… just give me a couple more days, okay?”

💬 Gurleen (Passive-Aggressive):
“Oh sure, LOL, I’ll just wait forever then? You owe me this!”

💬 Ashish (Passive-Aggressive):
“I know, I know… I’m really sorry. Just a couple more days, I promise.”

Later, instead of addressing the issue directly, Gurleen vents to another coworker:
“Can you believe Ashish? Same excuse as two months ago! Should I just do the task myself? Because, in the end, it’s always me anyway!”

Takeaway: Passive-aggressive communication builds resentment and confusion. Instead of solving the problem, frustration leaks into side conversations, making workplace dynamics even more toxic.

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Assertive Communication – The Win-Win Approach

Scenario: Gurleen needs Ashish’s data to complete her project before the deadline. This time, she approaches the conversation with assertiveness—clear, respectful, and solution-focused.

💬 Gurleen (Assertive):
“Hey Ashish, I need the pending data to complete my part of the project, and the deadline is coming up. Can you share an update so I can plan accordingly?”

💬 Ashish (Assertive):
“Gurleen, I want to apologize—I should have sent it last week, but other priorities came up. I can send you 60–70% of the data by tomorrow so you can at least get started. Would that work?”

💬 Gurleen (Assertive):
“That sounds good. Let me know if you need my help—I know my work depends on yours, and finishing the project is the priority.”

💬 Ashish (Assertive):
“Actually, now that you mention it, I could use your help with one part. I’ll send you a note, and if you can unlock that, I’ll be able to wrap things up faster.”

💬 Gurleen (Assertive):
“Sounds great. Let’s check in again tomorrow and make sure we’re on track. That way, everything is done by the deadline!”

Takeaway: Assertive feedback and communication solves problems instead of escalating them. Both parties take responsibility, offer solutions, and maintain mutual respect. The result? Better teamwork and faster results.

Key Lessons from These Roleplays

• Aggressive communication burns bridges and creates workplace tension.
• Passive communication avoids conflict but leaves issues unresolved.
• Passive-aggressive communication causes frustration without addressing the real problem.
• Assertive communication builds trust, encourages collaboration, and leads to better outcomes.

Next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation, ask yourself: Am I being clear, respectful, and solution-oriented? Because the way you communicate can change everything.

Try it out with Merlin

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Explore Merlin in Roleplay mode and try out all the difficult conversations like assertive feedback that have been holding you back today.

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